Lose Weight Fast!

Have you had trouble losing weight? Couldn’t get those trouble areas like that muffin top? Struggled with hard to do exercises that left you in pain for days on end??

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Well, SEARCH NO FURTHER!

Today only, I have a once in a lifetime offer, JUST FOR YOU! It’s a QUICK and EASY way to lose weight the FASTEST WAY POSSIBLE!

But wait! There’s more!

but wait

It’s FREE!!!

What is this miracle weight loss solution, you ask?

It’s called…

THE STOMACH FLU!!!!

vomit

Thanks to this flu, I’ve eaten NOTHING but DRY TOAST and WATER since SUNDAY and anything else has quickly been evacuated from my body! As a result, I’ve lost a WHOPPING 7 pounds in 3 days! At this rate, I’ll be at my goal weight in 20 days!

Is this a wonder cure for obesity, or what???

Seriously though, this stomach flu has been killer. Nothing is staying in my stomach (not even Pepto Bismol) and I don’t have an appetite for anything. It’s a wonder I’m not dehydrated. Please make sure that you wash or sanitize your hands after touching ANYTHING and before eating anything.

You know what, just walk around in a bubble. That’ll do it.

My Top 4 Reasons to Nix Diet Soda

On November 1, I started No Excuses November – no soda, no pizza and no fast food. It’s now December 31st and I’ve had pizza once and one 12 oz diet soda since then, and let me tell you that I regret that soda and the stomach ache that came with it. Rest assured, I won’t be pouring another soda down my throat. Why the heck do we drink things with ingredients whose names we can’t pronounce?

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I need to start living by this…

I came across an article on CNN.com a while ago discussing the 10 reasons to give up diet soda and held on to it in an effort to save it for a blog topic down the road. Now is as good a time as any to talk about it. Without further ado, here are my top reasons for avoiding diet soda…

1) It’s a waste of calories. What’s the point of putting something in your body made up of chemicals strong enough to clean a dirty toilet? Diet soda has zero nutritional value and is nowhere near natural. Water is a better bet – all natural, zero calories, refreshing and you can add flavor naturally with fruit.

2) I value my smile. The amount of citric acid in diet soda is so high that it can erode your teeth comparable to the erosion experienced by a meth or cocaine user. No thanks. I like my teeth.

3) I’m already a decrepit woman, having had back surgery in 2010 and still suffering from chronic back pain. I don’t need osteoporosis on top of it. Regular consumption of soda, diet or not, can result in in a 4% decrease in bone density. I’d rather not have my bones crumble beneath me, thanks.

4) Soda. Just. Isn’t. Healthy. Despite having zero calories, how is it that it can make you GAIN weight rather than lose it? It doesn’t take a lot to confuse the human body and this one supposedly simple drink seriously messes with the body’s CPU.

Let’s add this to my New Year’s missions – Soda Free 2015 leading to a soda free LIFE!

Anyone else out there living soda free?

Self Control? What’s that?

I lose all self control on my days off work. This weekend, I ate with abandon and felt icky afterward, but I just couldn’t help it! Pineapple upside down pancakes drenched in syrup, biscuits and eggs, chess pie…it keeps going.

Unfortunately, I’ve taken that into the new week with me. I did pretty well yesterday and I went for a 2.5 mile walk (pushing the stroller). But today, I didn’t seem to care and on top of it, I didn’t exercise either…unless I count all the cleaning and box lifting I did at work today.

Tomorrow, I need to drown myself in water, but not literally. Talking about drinking a bunch of water. I may grab some fresh fruit on my way to work to help…