Lose Weight Fast!

Have you had trouble losing weight? Couldn’t get those trouble areas like that muffin top? Struggled with hard to do exercises that left you in pain for days on end??

exercise fail

Well, SEARCH NO FURTHER!

Today only, I have a once in a lifetime offer, JUST FOR YOU! It’s a QUICK and EASY way to lose weight the FASTEST WAY POSSIBLE!

But wait! There’s more!

but wait

It’s FREE!!!

What is this miracle weight loss solution, you ask?

It’s called…

THE STOMACH FLU!!!!

vomit

Thanks to this flu, I’ve eaten NOTHING but DRY TOAST and WATER since SUNDAY and anything else has quickly been evacuated from my body! As a result, I’ve lost a WHOPPING 7 pounds in 3 days! At this rate, I’ll be at my goal weight in 20 days!

Is this a wonder cure for obesity, or what???

Seriously though, this stomach flu has been killer. Nothing is staying in my stomach (not even Pepto Bismol) and I don’t have an appetite for anything. It’s a wonder I’m not dehydrated. Please make sure that you wash or sanitize your hands after touching ANYTHING and before eating anything.

You know what, just walk around in a bubble. That’ll do it.