Lose Weight Fast!

Have you had trouble losing weight? Couldn’t get those trouble areas like that muffin top? Struggled with hard to do exercises that left you in pain for days on end??

exercise fail

Well, SEARCH NO FURTHER!

Today only, I have a once in a lifetime offer, JUST FOR YOU! It’s a QUICK and EASY way to lose weight the FASTEST WAY POSSIBLE!

But wait! There’s more!

but wait

It’s FREE!!!

What is this miracle weight loss solution, you ask?

It’s called…

THE STOMACH FLU!!!!

vomit

Thanks to this flu, I’ve eaten NOTHING but DRY TOAST and WATER since SUNDAY and anything else has quickly been evacuated from my body! As a result, I’ve lost a WHOPPING 7 pounds in 3 days! At this rate, I’ll be at my goal weight in 20 days!

Is this a wonder cure for obesity, or what???

Seriously though, this stomach flu has been killer. Nothing is staying in my stomach (not even Pepto Bismol) and I don’t have an appetite for anything. It’s a wonder I’m not dehydrated. Please make sure that you wash or sanitize your hands after touching ANYTHING and before eating anything.

You know what, just walk around in a bubble. That’ll do it.

Biopsies suck!

ouch-hi

I had my biopsy on my thyroid nodules today. I’ve been nervous about this all day…really since I found out I had nodules I’ve been nervous about it. Of course, I freaked myself beforehand with YouTube videos and stuff so I expected the worst. But, the process itself wasn’t that bad. They numbed the area (which went into effect pretty quickly) and proceeded to stick eight, yes 8 needles into my neck! It was kinda cool though because it was an ultrasound guided biopsy so I got to see the process take place on the monitor.

The pain started as soon as it was over. An ice pack was taped to the site on my neck and the small amount of pressure from doing that hurt. I was directed to use the ice packs 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off. Let’s just say they’re doing nothing for the ache in my neck right now. I was advised that I’ll probably have some bruising and I may be in pain for a week…maybe a week and a half. I did just get 8 needles scraped all over my thyroid. Obviously, my thyroid is pissed off.

As for the results: 4 to 5 business days. But with Thanksgiving being next week the results might not be in until the 30th. That’s a long damn time to wait to find out if I have cancer or not.

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